I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
