Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
