Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
