he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
