I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
