The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
