paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
