Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
