Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
should my penis look like a turkey
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
