booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
