Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
