i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
