guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
