Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
