i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
