And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
