What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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