then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
