you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
ugly people sure do ruin things
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Randomize
