I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
