shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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