I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just cropdusted the office
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
