my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
