Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
