hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
