That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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