i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
