I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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