I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
are you so shy because you have an std?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
