Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
