You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm getting married
To pizza
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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