youre lurking in front of me
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
