just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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