I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
