i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
