we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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