He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
