I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
