remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
