Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
