Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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