he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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