omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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