why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
