wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
