He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
