They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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