Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
