I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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