Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i was born a porn star she said
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
